There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You need Xanax blowdarts
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
