smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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