just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
