First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
