drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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