So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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