I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
