I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
