I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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