Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize