i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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