We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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