chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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