just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
