But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
