I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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