Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
