It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize