I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
