just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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