he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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