im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize