i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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