my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
