Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
