I'm going to jail i love you
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize