Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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