Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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