Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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