So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
