i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
