Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
