I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize