How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
