apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
