Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I have post one night stand depression
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
