Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
