I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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