I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
