And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The power of my boobs compel you
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
