I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
