Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
