one two three fourrrrnication!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
