You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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