I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
