i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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