Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
