Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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