& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
