i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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