Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
