You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
