Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
