Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
