GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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