Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize