it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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