how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
