I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
