i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
