Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
