I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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