So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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