So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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