tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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