She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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