Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
