I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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