Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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