Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
