he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
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