Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
