Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
