I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
