the new term for farting is butt boxing.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
