so explain again why im purple
no
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
