Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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