I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
