Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
