I'm really into asian looking animals
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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