Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
