when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
