i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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