that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
