and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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