so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I love having hate sex.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
