umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
