Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
