Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
