i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize