You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
