i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
