Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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