She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
