just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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