my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
