So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
