Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
