I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
