Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
