drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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