my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
please don't ironically join a cult
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