we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
