either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
