doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
